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You do take yourself with you
We are sometimes seen as the escapists;
packing our things and running away to new places to rid our problems instead
of facing them. And often, we are the first to strongly defend this. I did,
too. I was asked many times if I was leaving because of certain circumstances
in my life. No, I didn’t leave to escape my problems, but I guess there’s an
element that could be seen that way… and there’s definitely an extremely thin
line between ‘running away’ and simply starting afresh. I must tell you though,
that in e v e r y way, it is absolutely true that you do take
every part of yourself with you and this can be one hell of a daunting surprise
a couple of months in. You see, you take every little gremlin with you; and you
know exactly the ones I’m talking about. In the beginning, they’re subsided by
a brilliant rush or nervous energy and adrenaline, but I promise they’ll
return- just be aware. The best news though, is that you also take your
strengths with you. Even better than that is that many of the strengths that
will arise within you, you won’t even know you had. These strengths will shine
brighter and be more useful to you than you ever imagined.
I left because I was unhappy where I was, I
felt trapped in the city I was in, and I knew I was worth more than to continue
with the road I was on.
I didn’t leave for a year of partying and
recklessness; quite the opposite really. I found a calmness I haven’t felt in
years. I found a self-assurance that I’m not sure has ever existed within
myself.
I left with unresolved issues to do with
friends and lovers and myself- but I didn’t run from them. They existed and I chose to leave them behind, because sometimes
unresolved problems aren’t a reason enough to stay in our past.
Now, as I spend my last few days in a city
that I arrived in with no faces to even recognize, I get to go home to a city
filled with unresolved issues, humans I love and a perspective of seeing life
as much more worth living than I’ve ever known.
Buying a ticket at the age of 20 has possibly
shaped all the years to that will follow.
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